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Biscuit

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I didn't see one of these threads so I thought I'd make one.

Anyone had experience with parents trying to pay for everything for their wedding?

My partner's parents keep trying to pay for stuff. I don't want them to as they have already tried to interfere and try make us invite people we don't want to.

I'm thinking it's only going to be worse if they pay for it. The problem is, I did the numbers and it's going to be super difficult to pay for otherwise.

Any advice?

I'm going to ask about a promotion at work, which will help. But IDK if that'll go through. 

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Its pretty typical for parents to do this! When it started happening to us, we scaled back until it was affordable for us alone and polietly told parents to get stuffed lol we wern't expecting and didnt want any money from them anyways. We like to do things ourselves and not rely on others top much.

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I suppose there are some things we could cut back on, but not by much. I don't think we can push it back later either, we only got the special price we got for that particular date at the venue. Moving it any later would cost way more and cancel out the point of moving it.

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Ya without knowing your situation/in laws I can only imagine that if they already want to change things, having them pay for stuff will make them feel they can change even more.

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It's next October. We've already cut it down to 70 people. The venue's minimum. 

I asked for a raise/promotion today. Hopefully that goes through. The manager I discussed it with said he supports it.

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We wouldn't have spent any more than $400 on my wedding to my ex lol I didn't want the whole thing anyway (registry office is more my style), so I had no issue telling everyone who decided we had to have a show for them that they could pay for it.

We paid for the license thing.  The celebrant was a family friend *just* 'qualified' and had to do a supervised ceremony to finish off anyway, so we reimbursed her for travel.

It was "no gifts" - invites stated that afternoon tea would be provided, but in lieu of gifts, we request that guests who choose to attend the dinner please cover their own costs.  Some people still brought gifts, but they were small and more personal.

A lot of people request money in lieu of gifts these days, but it's still often badly received by guests (and then there's the issue of how much they're 'expected' to contribute causing conflicts, both internal and external).

my mother bought fabric and made my dress which was very basic, my sister did my hair. I printed invites myself on the computer. my stepfather drove me.

my ex's siblings paid the photographer (which we got cheap cos it was in the middle of winter and he had nothing else likely to be booked), his brother did some videoing

his parents bought stuff for an afternoon tea, we hired a couple of crates of crockery and glasses

everyone who wasn't local enough to do a daytrip, paid for their own damn accomodation

ceremony and afternoon tea was at our home, we bought a few decorations (like some ribbons and stuff) from the warehouse.

naturally there was no "rehersal", pre-event shenanigans or bridal party bullshit

I don't like jewelry and can't wear gold anyway, so bands were just sterling silver for a grand cost of $68.  I think I borrowed some shoes, or maybe already had some... not sure

later in the evening we had a dinner at a local restaurant where we had pre-arranged them to allow multiple bills per table - that worked really well as there was a full menu, it was kid-friendly and had a play area for them, and a full bar

I'm not sure where the cake came from or who paid for that (but it wasn't us).  I never got any of it though cos while we were out in the freezing cold getting photos done, my new SIL decided that what was left was spare as everyone had had some, and bundled the rest away to take home for her kids' school lunches. My ex is still sore about that.  I joked to him at his second wedding in March, hey, at least you got some of your cake this time!

---

So those are probably all impractical ideas for your situation, depending on how locked in you are to venues and such, and what your girlfriend's expectations are... but might spawn some other idea where you might be able to cut costs.

Failing that....  get invites out, THEN ask for financial assistance.  You can't then invite people you don't want to, cos that's already been and gone!

A lot of stuff that seems trivial and small in the grand scheme of costs, they all add up to quite a bit in the end - assuming you haven't already decided to forgo them, these will either be things that will blow your budget (if you haven't thought of them yet to factor into costs) or are things that will really save some $ if you have and decide to do away with them.  Stuff like professional invites/save the date letters etc, table favours and bridal party gifts, decorations, flowers...

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So basically to sum up everyone's advice, and the only painless way to fix the situation is ..... 🤣

57509872.jpg

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I made mine as small as possible, at a friends yet to be opened restaurant as a dinner. It was around 50 people and the unexpected gifts/money from the kind guests ended up paying for the food/sweets/venue. Good luck biscuit!

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2 hours ago, Tuftsdude said:

I made mine as small as possible, at a friends yet to be opened restaurant as a dinner. It was around 50 people and the unexpected gifts/money from the kind guests ended up paying for the food/sweets/venue. Good luck biscuit!

Wait what. You're married now? Wow. 

---

I talked to my bosses about a pay rise and I find out how much next week. I'm hoping it's enough to cover some more expenses.

I reorganised my budget based on what I currently make, and can make it work if I put off my plans to move overseas for a few more months after the wedding. I may have found a way to make it all work without having to get parents involved!

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I found out today about the payrise thing. Looks like I still need to be careful with money; it wasn't nearly as much as I was hoping. It was also in a letter I was given on my way to head home for the evening, with no negotiations or consultations.🤔

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On 25/11/2018 at 4:54 PM, Biscuit said:

Wait what. You're married now? Wow. 

---

I talked to my bosses about a pay rise and I find out how much next week. I'm hoping it's enough to cover some more expenses.

I reorganised my budget based on what I currently make, and can make it work if I put off my plans to move overseas for a few more months after the wedding. I may have found a way to make it all work without having to get parents involved!

Yes I have been for a couple of months now haha. Wow indeed 😁

Honestly, just try to cut as many costs on the wedding as possible and you'll be all g. I never see the point in spending lots of money on a wedding then struggling to live comfortably for the next few months. Keep the money for your honeymoon or something 😉

You still planning to move to Aus? 

I'm also very glad to hear you're getting married dude, congrats in advance 🙂

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Yup. Still definitely looking to move to Australia. Looking at Melbourne at this point. Probably some time in 2020.

The pay raise I got should make things more comfortable. I think we've budgeted about $12k-14k for the whole thing. I have a friend who did hers for less and the compromises she had to make meant she had something she really hated in the end.

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We did ours for about 3k. Wouldn't do much different if I did again

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2 hours ago, Scuba Steve said:

We did ours for about 3k. Wouldn't do much different if I did again

That's pretty cheap. I wish I could do it for that much.

I'd totally be fine with just a registry office wedding, to be honest.

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We were going to reg office then just party/celebration but found some guy that did the celebrant thing for free so went with him.

Think it was something like couple hundy each for location, marriage cert, table/chair hire, and 4 hundy for marques. Then pretty much rest was spent on food and booze which was the most important to us.

Of-course it helped that 1 of my sister's is fucking a chef so he took care of the cooking another sister is in catering so she helped and the family's were all on board so we didn't hire any staff. But I guess if you themed our wedding it'd be "upmarket family BBQ", was relaxed, easy going, all you can eat (including 4 cakes, chocolate, banana, feijoa, butter), no hierarchy, proper booze and most of all fun for the people who mattered the most on the day, us!

Like said if I was doing it again I would change much maybe just slightly less food (we had a bit left over)

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Our celebrant is one of my partner's Mum's friends so is doing it cheap/free. Saves us a few hundred dollars which is good. Another one of her friends is also a professional cake maker too, which helps us out again.

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Anyone changed their name before? I'm thinking of doing it. Unfortunately you can only take your partner's name or a combination of yours and their's when you get married. I'm wanting to change to use my Mother's surname and for my partner to take it too.

What would be the procedure? Do I change it, then she takes it when we get married, or is there a special way to do it at the same time?

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I'm not 100% but I believe you will need to do it before, and before you apply for the license

It seemed a fairly simple process from what I saw of a flatmate doing it years ago ( similar sort of thing, he went from his birth /father's name to his mother and stepfather's)

Going back to using birth (maiden, but I hate that term) name is another kettle of fish entirely. Despite being legally allowed to use it whenever I like, without any "name change" certificates and such, even before divorce, you'd be surprised the number of places that insist I need about ten different documents to use the name I already have. 4 years later and my driver's licence is still in my married name because it was just too hard. Power and broadband accounts, too. NHI has been a nightmare as well. Banks I haven't tried yet 😕

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I have some friends who have been through the process, so I might ask them about it.

I wonder if I can get my degree re-issued in the name i want? It technically is, just with an extra name i want to get rid of at the end (my mother's surname is my middle name). Maybe I should white it out. 🤔

Just kidding of course. 😂

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My new job forgot to take out my student loan deduction in my first pay. What do I need to do in regards to contacting IRD about it? Do I need to or just the payroll team at work?

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4 hours ago, Biscuit said:

My new job forgot to take out my student loan deduction in my first pay. What do I need to do in regards to contacting IRD about it? Do I need to or just the payroll team at work?

When it happened to me, IRD contacted payroll and sorted it out themselves. Might be a good idea to contact IRD to be safe though.

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7 hours ago, Acedumbunny said:

When it happened to me, IRD contacted payroll and sorted it out themselves. Might be a good idea to contact IRD to be safe though.

Yeah that might be my best option. I'll contact my payroll and IRD once the payment actually comes into my account though, just to be sure it's not some glitch in the payslip.

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@Biscuit Nah don't stress about that. Happened to me a few times. IRD just send you a letter saying you're probably on the wrong tax code and make a recommendation to what one you should be on.

Just go to your payroll team and tell them what code you should be on, or just tell them you need to be on the student loan one and they'll know. That's all. IRD can't do anything from their end (apart from as bunny said and just call your payroll team, which they didnt do for me, i had to do it myself).

And you won't get in trouble with IRD if that's what you're actually worried about.

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Okay cool. Do I then have to pay directly to IRD what should have been paid to them? It's like $500 or something for my first three weeks.

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